Empathy

An email arrived in my inbox with the subject “Customer is Going to Cancel Their Subscription”. The sender had my full attention and of course my reaction was to immediately open the email to see what was going on. Without going into the gory detail of the email, the customer had reported an issue some time ago and had not received a response back. Radio silence. They were not happy campers and they were threatening to cancel.

Immediately, I arranged a call with the customer to discuss what was going on and come up with a plan to resolve their issue as quickly as possible. As a Product Manager, I firmly believe in the whole product approach and this includes any and every interaction that a customer has with our organization. I needed to make this right, like now.

As the time of the call approached, I knew how this would play out because I’d seen it before. The customer would unload, and I would listen to and accept every word that they said. I would not defend or deflect. Allowing the customer to vent is an important part of the process. I would apologize and say that I understood completely and would feel the same way that they do. I would then tell them how I was going to make it right and that I was going to take personal ownership of driving the issue to resolution and would provide them frequent updates along the way. (And you better believe that I was going to deliver on everything that I committed to.) Sure enough, the call went exactly as I had expected.

I delivered on the commitments I made. I provided regular updates as the team progressed. The team and I were able to resolve their issue as we had promised. In the end, the customer was saved, but I didn’t stop there. In my mind, there was still damage to be repaired.

A couple of weeks later, I reached out to the customer to see how they were doing and asked if there was anything else that I could do for them. I immediately received a response from them, gushing over how nice it was to hear from me and that they would love to jump on call to share some product ideas.

On that call, we discussed their thoughts on some product enhancements that would provide additional benefit and they offered to review these and any future enhancements for us and provide feedback. They even said that they would love to show me around their town the next time I was in the area. What a complete 180 from a couple of months ago.

I should be clear that this happened at a previous company when I still lived in Canada, which seems like a lifetime ago, but for some reason I recently found myself reflecting on it.

What was it that allowed me to turn a customer who was about to churn into an advocate? There was no magic to what I did. I didn’t take a college course or read a book on how to do this. There doesn’t seem to be anything remarkable about it at all. I’ve done it hundreds of times since. I simply gave them some attention.

But then it struck me. What I did, what this customer was looking for, can be summed up in a single word, EMPATHY. They wanted me to understand where they were coming from. To understand the impact that this was having on their business. To treat this issue with the same attention that I would expect it to have were it happening to me. For me to feel and connect with the pain that they were experiencing. To be empathetic to their situation.

I believe my mind drifted to this customer as I watched world events unfold and reflected on how cruel humans can be to each other. Where is the empathy I wondered. It’s quite frightening how divided and polarized people are today. Politics, religion, race, sexual orientation are the obvious catalysts, but even something as mundane as which restaurant has the better burger quickly devolves into mud slinging and hurtful name calling. I don’t recall in my lifetime a point where it’s been this bad and I know I am not the only person who has made this observation.

Every day the media is shining a spotlight on negativity (bad news sells papers better than good news) and playing the blame game. It’s the news media. It’s social media. It’s the President, It’s the Democrats. It’s the Republicans. It’s the school system. Etc. Certainly, technology has allowed us to disseminate information much more quickly and hide behind the anonymity of our keyboards. They embolden this behavior and facilitate its spread, but they are not the cause. The answer I believe, is more simple than that. It‘s us. We have lost our compassion for others. We have lost our empathy. Defend and deflect has become the norm. But what happened to personal responsibility? Ownership? Accountability? At the end of the day, we are responsible for our own actions and the decisions that we make. Only us. Nobody else.

I really began to obsess over this and pondered, what if people began to approach the interactions that they have through the lens of empathy. What if instead of immediately dismissing an idea and applying a label to someone, we tried to see things from their perspective. To put ourselves in their situation and understand the factors that have formed their view. To feel what they feel. To have empathy.

I took stock in my own life and the relationships that I have with family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers that I am meeting for the first time. What if I had applied a dose of empathy to some of the situations in my past, would it have made a difference? Could conflicts have been avoided? Could discussions have been more meaningful? Could relationships have been enriched? The answer is a resounding yes, absolutely it would have. But unfortunately, I do not have a time machine to go back and right those wrongs. The best I can do is to learn from those mistakes and move forward, committing myself to not repeat them.

In 2021, I skipped the usual “I’m going to lose weight” or ”I’m going to get in shape” (I’m a realist. I like food too much so it‘s never going to happen.). Instead, I committed that I would apply a lot more empathy in my life.

I’m happy to report that it is already having a huge, positive impact in my relationships and the way that I look at things. I connect with people at a deeper level and we have much more meaningful dialogue. I’ve learned new things from being open to receive and understand the thoughts, opinions, and experiences of others. I‘ve even adjusted some of my beliefs based on conversations I’ve had and the observations that I’ve made.

One benefit that I had not foreseen was that I would find more peace in life. My stress level has decreased because I’m not focused on defending my position or planning my counter move. I’m not locked in game of verbal chess. I am listening, truly listening and connecting. I am walking in the shoes of others, and I have to say, I am loving it.

A lesson in life that took far too long to learn, but I am here now..

I can’t help but think, if we all showed a little more empathy to our fellow life travelers, what a wonderful world this would be. Don’t you agree?

All the best

Mike