Staying Sane in an Insane World

I spent the bulk of my teenage years in the 1980s, living the neon dream with hair so high it needed a blinking light on top to avoid aircraft collisions.The generation that single handedly created a hole in the ozone layer with all of the Aqua-net used to build those mighty coiffure masterpieces. We brought you personal computers, video games, the Internet, and some of the best music ever made. The 80s, IMHO, was one of the best decades ever. But this stroll down memory lane brings me to another first. We were the first of the latchkey kids. While the term ‘latchkey kids” was coined during WW2 when Dad was enlisted and Mom was working to pay the bills, we were the first generation of kids in which two working parents were no longer the exception, it was the permanent norm. Coming home to an empty house, taking care of dinner, and quite often taking care of siblings, was commonplace. Isolation and self-sufficiency was the order of the day. Yes, I am a Gen Xer and proud of it! Oh, and about that hair. Here’s a picture of my wife and I on our way to prom. “I ran...I ran so far away...”

Fast forward to 2020 and enter COVID and the "2 week" quarantine period. Somewhat ironically, I write this blog on the 1 year anniversary of that 2 week x 26 quarantine period. Now you may ask what Aqua-net and COVID have in common, and my answer would be absolutely nothing. Unless Aqua-net can destroy COVID the same way it did the ozone layer. But stay with me here, there is a connection. As we entered our third month of quarantine, I remember telling my colleagues that this quarantine is no big deal. I've been training for this my whole life and this is my moment to shine. To be the role model for "staying at home and doing absolutely nothing." After all, I am a latchkey kid and I thrive in isolation and even require it to function. Watch and learn.

But as we "celebrate" the 1 year anniversary of our COVID lockdown, I find myself starting to crack. I can already hear the collective gasp from those who know me, and it's even more unbelievable to me that I am writing this, but I crave human connection. It's true that I have at least had the company of my lovely and patient wife (I’m not buried in the backyard...yet), as well as those who are in my "safe circle". I count myself lucky because this is more than many have had during the pandemic. But I, perhaps selfishly, need more. I need extended family, friends, colleagues. I need some semblance of normalcy. To get a little taste of the pre-COVID world that I was always so eager to leave behind for those requisite rounds of isolation.

Adding insult to injury, we’re subjected to a constant, never-ending barrage of highly polarized news and information that we cannot escape. It's just completely overwhelming and this is certainly a sentiment shared by many. Unfortunately, I can’t hitch a ride with Doc and Marty McFly in their DeLorean to whisk me back to those pre-COVID days, or even better, to take me back to those glorious 80s. So what do I do instead? How do I cope with this mental pressure that sometimes makes me feel like I’m going crazy and want to scream? Read on as I share some of the things that I've been doing to help manage the mounting stress of this insane world.

We all have those things on our list that we'd love to get back into, but just never seem to have the time to do. In 2021, I've made a concerted effort to begin checking some of those off of my list. Case in point, this blog. I've always loved writing. Short stories, poetry, blogs, white-papers, speeches, etc. When I started this blog, it was just as much about me doing something that I loved as it was about imparting some of the knowledge that I've gained in the tech world. I feel it's a win-win and I hope you do as well. Next on my list is picking up my guitar again. (Advance apologies to my wife for the forthcoming Metallica riffs.). Drawing/painting is also a goal this year, although admittedly, that may be a bit of a stretch.

Many of you know that I work with an Engineering team in Spain. (in addition to several other locations). Each time I visit the office in Spain, I pick up a little more Spanish. I'm happy to report that I can at least order food and drinks on my own, dine-in and take-out even! Recently, I've signed up to Rosetta Stone for an "all you can eat" subscription and have begun learning Spanish. Watch out my friends in Spain, I'll soon know what you're saying about me! Te estoy escuchando.

On the physical health front, I realized that I was eating my feelings. Working from home is fantastic, and I really do prefer it to going into the office. (For the record, I do believe that the office is good for those times that you need to collaborate.) But I had traded my commute time of 3+ hours every day for an additional 3+ hours of working time. I was pulling 11+ hour days, every day. Then, when my day ended, I'd be exhausted. I would plant my widening butt in front of the TV and eat rubbish for dinner, Eventually this pattern of work, no exercise, and poor dietary habits caught up with me. I had gained 20 pounds in COVID weight and would get winded walking up the stairs. Not to mention the stress that it began to put on my relationship as I never felt motivated to do anything other than watch the tele and attempt to break the world record for most Twinkies eaten. In February I decided that enough was enough and I have made it a habit to get up and walk at some point during the day. Not after work when I am tired and full of excuses why I can’t do it. I’m hitting the pavement in the middle of the day, usually at lunch time. As much as I’d love to, I can't always do this due to other commitments I have, but on the days that I can get out and get that walk in, I feel so much better. I come back clear headed and recharged. Ready to tackle the afternoon. It's been a few weeks since I started this routine religiously and I'm happy to report that I am down 8 pounds so far, with 12 to go, and I now have enough post work energy that I’ve added a second walk to my routine. It also helps that I and my family are very competitive and all of us have an Apple watch. Believe me, you don't want the shame of not closing all three of your rings or losing the step contest for the day. Not with my family. They'll eat you up!

Today I realized that despite all of these changes, there was still a piece of the puzzle missing. I was fixated on my physical health, but despite my writing and learning a new language, I was still mentally unhealthy. I was continuing to struggle with everything going on in life. I reached a breaking point and it became very clear that I needed to take additional action, stat! So, I dusted off my meditation pillow and meditated for 20 minutes, and it was wonderful. I bounced back and was able to focus on solving the problem that had pushed me over the edge. I had forgotten an important lesson that mental health is just as important as physical health. Going forward, I plan to make meditation part of my daily routine. Before I begin work to start the day fresh and clear headed, and at the end of the work day so that I can leave those work stresses behind me. For those of you who have never tried meditation or think that it's too hard or isn't for you, I do encourage you to give it a try. I can't express enough how positive an impact it can have. It can be difficult at first, but after a few days of practice, you begin to get the hang of it.

One final thought to share. My organization has been fantastic at arranging virtual get togethers to maintain a connection between team members. I've always found any type of social gathering to be a painful experience. I am introverted and socially awkward. Yes, I can stand up in front of hundreds of people and talk for hours on a subject that I am passionate about. But catch me in one on one chit chat and I completely freeze up. I lock up tighter than a gopher in soft dirt. It's become somewhat of a joke on my team how much I struggle during social gatherings. But nonetheless, I've made an effort to attend these virtual gatherings and I must admit, they are getting easier for me. I even find myself beginning to participate in the discussion, whenever the overly polite Canadian in me can find an opportunity to interject. Will I ever be a socialite? Hell to the no. I'm not wired that way and I accept that fact. But these virtual events provide a way for me to remain connected to my colleagues, to know that I am not alone in this, and that there are people out there, outside of my safe circle, that truly do care about me.

Those are my current stress busting tactics but feel free to share some of the ways that you've been coping with these crazy times by dropping a comment below. I'd love some additional ideas, and I am sure that other readers would appreciate them as well.

One final comment. If you're feeling overwhelmed, and you have nobody to reach out to, feel free to contact me directly. Seriously. I'm happy to lend an ear if you need one. mike@michaelmarriage.com.

Take care of yourself both physically and mentally, we are going to get through this.

Thanks as always for reading. Stay safe out there, and stay sane.

All the best

Mike